As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
