At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
