also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
