How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
