Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
