were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
