Plan B is the new Plan A
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
