Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
