did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
