dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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