So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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