I'll bet she douches with gravy.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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