I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
