He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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