i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
People in love make me want to vomit
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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