how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
