im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
