my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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