i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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