I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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