forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
