the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
