Dude my mom stole all your condoms
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
