New invention idea: vibrating tampons
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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