we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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