How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
