when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
