arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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