pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
