Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
