alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
