Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
