I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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