My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
