dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
