would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
