1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
