Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
