All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
