too bad you live with your parents still
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
