That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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