Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
