I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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