Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
