Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
