Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
