I'm so fucking centered right now
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
