just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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