Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
