I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
