May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just invented taco cereal.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
