I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
