I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
operation harelip BJ is a go
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
