Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
