My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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