You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
