I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i love accidental penises.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
