just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
