I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
