David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
